I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
