she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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