I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
