I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
