I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
ok first of all what the fuck
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