i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
