you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
