You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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