the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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