Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
