his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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