i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
