This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
