it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
