just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
