Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
