Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
