im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
