I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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