Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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