ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
