Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
