The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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