Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize