I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
