yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
