Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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