Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
