he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
