Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
