If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
