Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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