My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Someone signed my nipple.
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