I'm really into asian looking animals
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
