You can't motorboat a personality
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
