please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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