I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
