38 yer olds are good kisserssss
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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