Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
