I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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