oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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