Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
3 2 1 whiskey
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
