somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
