Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
