Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
