Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
