Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
