First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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