So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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