I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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