Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do herpes really smell.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
