Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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