The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
