So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
