if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We smell like vodka and hangover
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