White coat. Heels.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
