I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
