Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
