Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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