my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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