party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
