I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
