He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
