Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
