Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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